Healing from Childhood Trauma: Where to Start

Childhood is meant to be a time of safety, love, and stability. But for many, it is marked by experiences that are anything but safe. Childhood trauma, whether it arises from abuse, neglect, emotional abandonment, witnessing domestic violence, or growing up in a chronically unpredictable environment, can have lasting effects on the mind, body, and spirit.

If you're reading this, perhaps you've noticed patterns in your adult life that don't quite make sense. You might struggle with self-worth, experience emotional flashbacks, find it hard to trust others, or feel persistently anxious or on edge. These are common signs that past trauma may still be playing out in the present.

The good news is that healing is possible, and it begins with understanding and compassion.

What Is Childhood Trauma?

Childhood trauma refers to any situation during the early years of life where a child feels intensely threatened or overwhelmed, physically or emotionally, without a supportive caregiver to help them process the experience.

Common types include:

• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

• Neglect (both physical and emotional)

• Loss of a parent or caregiver (due to death, separation, or abandonment)

• Growing up with a parent who struggles with mental illness, addiction, or emotional unavailability

• Witnessing violence or living in a chronically unsafe or unpredictable environment

These experiences can alter how the brain and nervous system develop, particularly if they occur repeatedly or during early developmental stages.

How Trauma Shows Up in Adult Life

You might not have clear memories of your early experiences, but trauma often leaves behind emotional and physiological imprints. Common signs of unresolved childhood trauma in adults include:

• Chronic anxiety or hypervigilance

• Emotional numbness or disconnection from feelings

• Persistent shame or feelings of unworthiness

• Difficulty setting boundaries or asserting needs

• People-pleasing or fear of abandonment

• Trouble forming or maintaining healthy relationships

• Flashbacks, nightmares, or intense emotional reactions to seemingly minor triggers

These are not signs of weakness or dysfunction, they are survival strategies the nervous system adopted to cope with unsafe environments. Understanding this is a vital part of healing.

Where to Start: The First Steps Towards Healing

1. Acknowledge That What Happened Matters

Many people downplay their experiences, especially if their trauma wasn’t overtly violent or if they had a “normal” upbringing on the outside. But trauma is not just about what happened, it’s about how it made you feel and whether your emotional needs were consistently met.

Give yourself permission to believe your own story, even if others have minimised it. Your pain is valid.

2. Create a Sense of Safety in the Present

Before healing old wounds, your system needs to know you are safe now. This may include:

• Creating predictable routines

• Limiting contact with toxic or triggering individuals

• Building self-regulation skills (e.g., grounding, deep breathing, mindfulness)

• Creating a calming environment at home or work

Your nervous system needs a secure base from which to explore the past. Without this, healing can feel re-traumatising.

3. Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

Therapists trained in trauma understand how early experiences affect brain development, attachment patterns, and emotional regulation. A skilled therapist can:

• Help you explore and process painful memories safely

• Teach nervous system regulation techniques

• Identify and challenge deeply rooted beliefs (e.g., “I’m not lovable,” “I don’t deserve help”)

• Support you in rebuilding a healthier relationship with yourself and others

Evidence-based approaches that are especially effective for trauma include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): Helps reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer trigger intense emotional responses.

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Helps you connect with and heal wounded “parts” of yourself, such as the inner child.

• Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma is stored in the body and helps release it through movement, breath, and sensation.

• Trauma-informed CBT: Helps challenge distorted beliefs and reduce emotional dysregulation.

Healing takes time, but therapy offers a roadmap and someone to walk with you.

4. Reconnect with Your Body

Trauma often forces us to disconnect from our physical selves as a survival mechanism. You may feel numb, disembodied, or chronically tense without understanding why.

Gently rebuilding the mind-body connection can help integrate healing. Consider practices like:

• Yoga or gentle movement

• Breath-work

• Massage therapy

• Mindful walking or dancing

• Somatic experiencing techniques

These practices can release stored trauma and reintroduce a sense of agency and safety in your own body.

5. Learn to Regulate Your Nervous System

Your nervous system is often stuck in a fight-flight-freeze-fawn response long after the original threat has passed. Recognising and working with these states can restore your capacity for calm and resilience.

Useful techniques include:

• Grounding exercises (e.g., naming 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear…)

• Box breathing (inhale-hold-exhale-hold, 4 seconds each)

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Safe place visualisations

Regulating your nervous system helps you stay present and reduces emotional overwhelm.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Healing doesn’t happen through self-judgment, it happens through self-acceptance. The parts of you that developed as a result of trauma were trying to protect you. Healing means learning to understand them, not silence them.

Speak to yourself kindly. Celebrate small wins. Rest when needed. This is a journey, not a race.

7. Build a Supportive Community

Trauma often thrives in isolation. Healing happens in connection. Whether it’s through therapy, group work, friendships, or online support, allow yourself to be seen and supported by others who can hold space for your truth.

If you struggle with trust or closeness, start small. Boundaries are essential, and healing.

Final Thoughts: You Can Heal

You don’t have to carry the weight of your past forever. Healing from childhood trauma is not about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about finding new meaning, developing emotional freedom, and reconnecting with the parts of yourself that were buried for survival.

Whether you’re just beginning or already on the path, know this: you are not broken, you are healing. And that healing is possible, no matter how long it’s been.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to reach out. Therapy can offer a compassionate and empowering space to begin or continue your journey toward wholeness. Please do not hesitate to contact me, Dan Boland, at www.holisticcounsellingireland.com. I’ll be delighted to help you along your journey.