How to Regain a Sense of Self: Reconnecting with who we are
In the fast-paced, often overwhelming world we live in, many people find themselves feeling disconnected from their own identity. This can show up as burnout, chronic people-pleasing, numbness, or a general sense of “going through the motions.” For some, it may feel like they’ve lost touch with who they are, what they want, or what they believe in. If this resonates with you, know that it’s possible to come back to yourself, gently, with intention.
What Does It Mean to Lose Your Sense of Self?
Losing your sense of self doesn’t happen all at once. It’s often a slow erosion that comes from prioritising others’ needs over your own for too long, internalising external expectations, or surviving environments where self-expression didn’t feel safe. Over time, your thoughts, values, and desires may start to feel foreign, or even absent.
This disconnection can be especially common after:
Long-term caregiving or parenting
Burnout or chronic stress
Narcissistic or co-dependent relationships
Major life transitions (career changes, divorce, retirement)
Trauma or long-term emotional neglect
Signs You May Be Disconnected From Your Sense of Self
Difficulty making decisions
A constant need for external validation
Feeling emotionally flat or unsure of your feelings
Struggling to identify what you enjoy or value
Living in “auto-pilot” or feeling like a chameleon in different settings
How to Begin Reconnecting With Yourself
Regaining your sense of self is not about finding a fixed identity or becoming your “old self” again. It’s about coming home to what feels true, nourishing, and aligned right now. Here are some practical and therapeutic ways to begin the journey:
1. Pause and Reflect
Create moments of stillness. This could be as simple as 10 minutes without a phone, journaling a few lines each morning, or taking a walk without a podcast playing. These small pauses help you hear your inner voice again.
2. Reconnect With Your Body
Our bodies often hold the wisdom our minds override. Gentle somatic practices like breathwork, yoga, or body scans can help bring awareness to your internal state and rebuild trust in your physical self.
3. Identify Internal vs. External Voices
Ask yourself: Is this belief truly mine? Many people unknowingly carry internalised scripts from parents, culture, or past relationships. Therapy can be helpful for disentangling these voices and rediscovering your own.
4. Revisit Joy and Curiosity
Sometimes your sense of self is hiding in forgotten passions. What did you love as a child? What gives you energy now? Trying something new or reconnecting with something old can spark aspects of yourself that feel long buried.
5. Set Boundaries as an Act of Self-Definition
Healthy boundaries are not just about saying “no”; they’re about saying “yes” to what’s important to you. Notice where you feel drained or resentful. These are clues to where your sense of self might be getting diluted.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to feel ashamed or frustrated about losing touch with yourself. But regaining your sense of self isn’t about perfection, it’s about offering yourself curiosity, care, and space to evolve.
Therapy as a Safe Space for Rediscovery
Working with a therapist can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your identity, values, and emotions. Therapy can also help uncover and heal the deeper patterns or wounds that contributed to the disconnection in the first place.
Final Thoughts
Reconnecting with yourself is not a one-time task. It is a continual process of listening inward, making intentional choices, and honouring your growth. You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to take up space. And you are worthy of living in alignment with who you truly are.
If you would like to explore any of the above, please do not hesitate to contact me, Dan Boland, at www.holisticcounsellingireland.com. I would be delighted to help.
