Part 4: Understanding Relationships: When Romance Changes, Navigating the Next Chapter with Care

Many people enter romantic relationships hoping or believing that love will last a lifetime. And for some couples, it does. These enduring relationships are something to be valued and celebrated.

As the poet Kahlil Gibran wrote:

“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Yet for many people, relationships evolve in ways they did not anticipate. The intensity of early romance may fade, emotional needs may shift, or partners may discover they are growing in different directions. This does not mean the relationship has failed; it means it has changed.

In my work as a psychotherapist, I often see that it is not the disappearance of romance itself that causes the greatest distress, but the silence that follows it. When couples struggle to articulate their changing expectations, uncertainty and resentment can quietly take hold. Stress, anxiety, anger and depression are all too common.

The psychoanalyst and relationship therapist Esther Perel captures this dynamic succinctly:

“Modern love is a balancing act between what we want and what we can realistically expect from one person over time.”

When a relationship reaches this crossroads, ideally both partners can pause and reflect rather than react. Open, honest conversations about needs, disappointments, hopes, and practical realities can help clarify whether the relationship can be reshaped or whether separation may ultimately be the healthier option.

If separation becomes the outcome, how it is handled matters enormously. Negotiating expectations respectfully and, where possible, remaining on friendly or at least civil terms can significantly reduce long-term harm. This is particularly important when children are involved.

While confronting, this reminder underscores a key truth: unresolved conflict between parents often echoes across generations. Children benefit greatly when parents are able to cooperate, communicate clearly, and protect them from ongoing hostility, even when the romantic relationship has ended.

There are also practical considerations that are impossible to ignore. Prolonged conflict during separation or divorce carries not only emotional costs, but financial ones as well. Legal professionals play an important role when needed, but adversarial battles over finances or child arrangements tend to escalate expenses rapidly. When couples are entrenched in conflict, everyone pays a price.

This is not to suggest that strong emotions should be avoided. Grief, anger, fear, and sadness are natural responses to the ending of an intimate bond. But when couples are supported through therapy, mediation, or reflective dialogue, they are often better able to move through separation with clarity rather than destruction.

Ultimately, the end of a romantic relationship does not have to mean the beginning of a lifelong battle. While not every relationship can, or should last forever, many can end with dignity, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to minimising harm to each other, to any children involved, and to themselves.

Dan Boland 353-87-2555974

Part 1: How Romantic Relationships Evolve and Why Some End Without Failing

Part 2: When Love Isn’t Enough; Why Some Relationships Don’t Work Out

Part 3: Conflict, Rupture, and Repair; Knowing When Repair Is No Longer Possible

Part 4: When Romance Changes: Navigating the Next Chapter with Care

Part 5: Ending a Relationship with Integrity

Part 6: Reaching Agreement in Separation and Divorce

Part 7: What Past Relationships Teach Us About Future Ones