Part 5: Carrying Grief with Grace; Living Alongside Loss

🕊️ There’s a common phrase we hear after loss:
“You’ll move on in time.”

But anyone who has grieved deeply knows that this is not how it works. We don’t move on from the people, places, or dreams that shaped us. Instead, we carry them with us, learning how to live alongside the absence they’ve left behind.

This is the quiet, ongoing work of grief. Not to let go of what we’ve lost, but to integrate it, to remember it with more love than pain, and to allow it to reshape who we are becoming.

🌿 Living in the “After”

Loss changes us. The world looks different. We may feel less certain, more tender, more aware of time.
We might also experience:

• A shift in our identity (“Who am I now without them?”)

• A sense of disconnection from others who haven’t experienced loss

• A longing for meaning or spiritual connection

• New fears… or new clarity

Grief doesn’t ask us to go back to how things were. It asks us to live forward from where we are now. And that’s incredibly brave.

🕯️ The Role of Ritual and Remembrance

Honouring our grief doesn’t mean staying stuck in the past. It means making space to remember with intention.

Small rituals can offer a bridge between loss and life:

• Lighting a candle on meaningful dates

• Speaking their name aloud

• Visiting a favourite place you shared

• Writing a letter to them or from them

• Creating a memory box or altar

These acts are not about clinging to the past. They’re about weaving it into the present with tenderness and care.

🧭 Finding Meaning After Loss

Grief often cracks something open. For some, it brings a deeper appreciation of life. For others, it leads to new purpose, relationships, or creative expression. This is what psychologist David Kessler calls the sixth stage of grief: finding meaning.

Meaning doesn’t erase the pain. It sits beside it. It might look like:

• Volunteering in memory of someone

• Raising awareness around an illness or cause

• Becoming more present with loved ones

• Living in a way that reflects what mattered most about who or what you lost

And sometimes, the meaning is simply this: You survived. You’re still here. You’re still loving.

🫶 A Word on Joy and Guilt

One thing many people struggle with is this:
“Is it okay to feel joy again?”

Yes.
Joy is not a betrayal of your grief; it’s part of being human. You are allowed to laugh, to celebrate, to love again. These experiences don’t mean you’ve forgotten. They mean your heart is still capable of holding beauty alongside sorrow.

Grief and joy can coexist. And often, they do.

💛 The Grief You Carry

If you’re still carrying grief, and most of us are, I hope you know this:
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re living a courageous life in the face of loss.
Your grief is a sign of your love and it deserves to be honoured, not rushed or hidden.

This series has explored many faces of grief, from the early days of disorientation to the quieter seasons of integration. If nothing else, I hope it’s offered this:

Grief is not something to fix. It’s something to tend to. To walk with. To grow around.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

With warmth and compassion, thank you for walking through this series with me.

If you’re grieving, or walking beside someone who is, know that support is always available.
You’re welcome to reach out if you need a space to talk, reflect, or simply be with your grief. Please do not hesitate to contact me at www.holisticcounsellingireland.com.

“The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal”. C. S. Lewis.