Personal Change
Feeding the Wolves Within: Understanding Our Inner Struggle
As a psychotherapist, I often witness how clients wrestle with conflicting feelings and impulses within themselves. It’s a universal human experience, this internal battle between light and shadow, hope and fear, kindness and resentment. One story I frequently return to is the ancient Cherokee parable of the Two Wolves.
The Story
An old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life.
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked,
“Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied,
“The one you feed.”
What This Story Teaches Us
This story beautifully captures the essence of what it means to be human. Within each of us lies the capacity for both pain and healing, negativity and love. These "wolves" represent the full spectrum of our emotional and psychological experiences.
The fight isn’t about eliminating the negative wolf, after all, feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety are natural and sometimes necessary. The fight is about which wolf we give our energy to. If we focus on resentment, depression or self-pity, we fuel the negative. If we cultivate forgiveness, gratitude, and empathy, we nurture the positive.
Why Does This Matter in Therapy?
In therapy, we explore this inner landscape with curiosity and compassion. Recognising the presence of both wolves helps clients feel less judged and more understood. It empowers them to see that change is possible, not by suppressing their darker emotions, but by consciously choosing how to respond to them.
Building awareness around this internal dialogue is the first step toward healing and less stress in our lives. By "feeding" the positive wolf, clients begin to create new patterns of thought and behaviour that support emotional well-being.
How to Feed the Good Wolf
Mindfulness: Become aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice when the negative wolf is being fed.
Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, especially in moments of struggle.
Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledge the things you appreciate in life.
Connect with Others: Empathy and generosity strengthen positive emotions.
Set Intentions: Make conscious choices that align with your values and hopes.
Final Thoughts
The story of the Two Wolves is a timeless reminder that while we all carry complexity inside us, we are not powerless. Each day offers a new chance to decide which parts of ourselves we will nourish.
If you feel caught in the struggle between these inner forces, know that support is available. Therapy is a space to explore, understand, and ultimately feed the wolf that brings you peace and growth. Please do not hesitate to contact me, Dan Boland, at holisticcounsellingireland@gmail.com.
