Part 3: When grief lives in the body
Grief isn’t just something we feel. It’s something we carry. In our bones, our muscles, our breath. In therapy, people often tell me, “I just feel exhausted all the time,” or “My chest is so heavy,” or “It’s like my body doesn’t know how to relax anymore.”
That’s because grief is a full-body experience.
When we grieve, we’re not just processing emotion, we’re adjusting to a new reality. And our nervous system, our brain, and even our immune system are all impacted by that shift.
In this post, we’ll explore what it means when grief shows up in the body and how we can care for ourselves in ways that acknowledge both the emotional and physical layers of loss.
🧠 The Science of Grief in the Body
Grief activates the stress response system. When we experience a significant loss, our brain interprets it as a threat to our safety and sense of belonging. The body reacts accordingly:
Cortisol levels rise, which can impact sleep, digestion, and immunity.
Muscles may tense, especially around the shoulders, neck, and jaw.
Breathing may become shallow, reinforcing feelings of anxiety or panic.
Appetite may shift, either decreasing or increasing, depending on the person.
Fatigue sets in, not just from sadness, but from the body’s constant effort to regulate.
This physical toll can be disorienting. People often worry they’re "doing grief wrong" because they’re so tired, numb, or achy. But these are completely normal responses to loss.
Grief is a whole-person process.
🌀 Emotions That Don’t Have Words
Not every feeling can be articulated. Sometimes, grief bypasses the mind and settles in the body. It might show up as:
Tightness in the chest
A lump in the throat
A clenched stomach
Restlessness or insomnia
A sense of being “wired but tired”
This is especially common when the grief is complex, traumatic, or hasn't had space to be acknowledged. The body keeps carrying what the heart hasn’t yet expressed.
🌿 Gentle Ways to Support a Grieving Body
You don’t need to “fix” your body to move through grief. But you can offer it comfort, care, and gentle regulation. Here are a few simple, compassionate practices:
1. Breathwork
Try placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 2, and exhale through your mouth for 6. This signals safety to the nervous system.
2. Movement
Gentle walks, stretching, yoga, or even swaying side to side can help discharge some of the energy that grief stores in the body. You’re not exercising to escape emotion, you’re moving to create space for it.
3. Body Scans
Bring your awareness to different parts of your body, noticing without judgment where you feel tension, heaviness, or numbness. Even just saying “I notice you” can bring a sense of care and attention.
4. Warmth & Soothing
Weighted blankets, warm baths, herbal teas, and soft textures can help regulate your sensory system and create a feeling of safety during turbulent times.
5. Rest Without Guilt
Grief is hard work. Give yourself permission to rest. Not just sleep but true, unstructured rest. Your body needs it.
🧘♀️ Your Body Is Not Betraying You
If your body is tired, aching, or out of rhythm, it's not broken. It's responding to a profound shift. It may be grieving, too.
When we honour our physical responses to loss, we create space for healing to happen not just emotionally, but somatically. And in doing so, we soften the edges of grief, making it a little more bearable to carry.
In the next post:
“Showing Up in Grief – How to Truly Support Someone Who’s Hurting”; a heartfelt guide for friends, family, and caregivers who want to support those in mourning with compassion and presence.
